My mom called me last week, and told me that she had been invited to an adult party. I didn't think too much of it. I figured it was probably some kind of singles night at a bar.
I didn’t ask her to explain any further, since her standard response to all my questions is "none of your business, all you do is talk about yourself."
Lately, my mom has been looking for a new man to date. She’s been on Match.com, and just joined E-Harmony. Her username is MakeASexyWishGal69, or something like that.
She took 15 years off her age on the profile, which would have made her 10 when she had my sister. I guess she skips the kid’s section.
When one of her "true match" profiles said he had a tattoo, all hell broke loose. She wrote E-Harmony a nasty email complaining about how she requested none of her matches have tattoos. She told them for all the money she had spent; they had damn well better only fix her up with men her profile approved.
It must have been a good letter, because she got a response a day later apologizing, and giving her a set of new matches. If there's one thing I inherited from my mother it's complaining. If there were a gold medal in team complaining, we would win it every 4 years.
So, I assumed maybe this adult party was an event that one of her True Matches had invited her to. I was starting to think it was a swinger's party or something even weirder.
Finally, she called me on Sunday, to tell me about the party.
"So I went to the adult party with my girlfriend, and it was really relaxed and we had drinks. My cat's litter box was full, and she pooped on my bed to protest, so it has not been a good day…. One time in my party days, I drank the worm out of a Tequila Bottle. Did I ever tell you that?”
My mom rides on the local thought train that makes every stop. In random order. I had to get her back to the adult party.
It was an adult toy party.
“There were a bunch of those vibrators and dildos and sex toys on display. You could order them to buy if you wanted, but I didn't get any! I think I'm going to have my own adult party soon. Once I get the shipment of vibrators I’ll be good to go.”
While most people's Moms are hosting Tupperware parties, my Mom is having a house call from Toys in Babeland.
I forgot to ask her if I could get a friends and family discount.